There seems to be growing confusion about the nature of power in communication. Power is perhaps best defined as either: the ability to produce an effect OR the capability of doing or accomplishing something.
Look at this small bird perched on an electrical line. The line is REAL and POWERFUL. It transmits constant power for electrical devices and medical equipment and provides light, music, technology, food, and much more to homes and businesses.
The awesome power running through the power line is focused, constructive and contained.
Power in communication can similarly be contained in our intentions and demeanor. Then, it’s focused and directed via our chosen words and phrases to achieve objectives.
Contrast this with what I call PHONY POWER - unrestrained talk unleashed in crude tirades. It gets attention, and even a measure of respect from some. It’s been disappointing to see diatribes that once would have shocked virtually everyone, to now be viewed with awe.
Think of a live power line that’s been knocked down in an accident or storm. When it whips and snakes about, seeking a place to ground, it can cover a wide area. It’s quite dangerous and not at all useful.
When PHONY POWER is deployed, the resulting rants are discharged from the lower, primitive TALK level of the brain as opposed to the higher, reasoning level used for communication. This can lead to habitual, and even copycat use of this rant (talk) mode.
US English speakers say I got so mad I couldn’t see straight. British friends call it seeing the red mist. Targets of the harsh words, angry tone and insulting personal attacks are given little thought.
When sparked by anger, there’s often a chance to take a step back, rethink the situation, resist demands from the impulse brain and engage the communication brain. That’s wise and constructive. It can preserve relationships at work or home.
Unfortunately we see too few shifts towards reasonable, solution-based communication. Perhaps change will come if more realize brutish talk is not a sign of power. In fact, it denotes weakness.
A Lesson from Martial Arts
I attended Tae Kwon Do classes regularly in my early 40s. I lasted four years and achieved only blue belt status. I loved the practice, discipline and strength it gave me. I learned about most aspects of my innate power, and learned how to use only as much as needed in any situation.
It impacted all that I was doing at this time. I would carry myself in such a way that would silently convey you don’t know who you’re dealing with when interviewing powerful people, some of whom liked to be intimidating early on yet always settled in nicely.
I could stride confidently to the front of an audience or classroom or just walk down the street with power, strength and purpose. Inner power calmly, quietly fueled all of this with my rarely needing to increase the power level of my words.
One of my favorite lessons taken from my years of Tae Kwon Do is this: Power Revealed is Power Lost - Power Concealed is Power Gained. When you reveal your power, it can lose a bit of its future effectiveness.
[Note: My company website wizardinc.com is printed on this magnet design. If you visit, you’ll see it’s in need of updates. The site was under construction when the pandemic struck. I began an unplanned yet mostly good retirement “practice” phase. I met some lovely writers who encouraged me to share via Substack and I’m loving it. I may or may not add to the website. On day I will update and share the old blog posts here.]
Truly powerful individuals do not need (or want) others to grow accustomed to their most powerful levels of communication. Therefore, they only use the power needed in any communication event. Have you ever noticed that the children of parents who constantly raise their voice have one key thing in common? You know where this is going: The kids tune them out.
Learn to keep your power under wraps for when you need to ramp it up. When you do, simply raise it by degrees in all but the most extreme circumstances.
Communication power slides up and down a scale that reveals a spectrum. We can define the lowest level as something akin to pleading or begging. Rising from that we reach the level of persuading. A bit higher we reach negotiating, then top it off at commanding.
The tirade level can be described by another fav Brit phrase: Losing your rag. This level exists beyond commanding and fully outside the realm of communication. It’s noise that contains little or nothing in the way of a message.
Is Violence a Subset of Communication?
I’m often asked whether violence is communication. My answer is always that violence falls outside the realm of communication. Violence stands as a tragic failure to use the profound gift of communication to prevent physical and emotional harm to fellow human beings.
As a species we should have been able to achieve far greater peace in our families, communities, nations and world via the vast, largely untapped, potential communication holds for us all.
Phony Baloney Power: The Noisy Pretender
Out-of-control, loud or lashing out is PHONY POWER as it rarely accomplishes anything or brings about understanding or positive outcomes. It’s impotent.
Much of the blind rage was once relegated to posts and tweets in social media or in the comment sections following posted articles.
Now it’s as though the comments section plus the worst of Twitter and Facebook, have escaped to trash our dinner tables, conference rooms and town halls.
Traits of those who use PHONY POWER can include the following: critical, demanding, intimidating, unpredictable, sometimes out-of-control, destructive, disrespectful, self-focused, stress-filled, binary (seeing all or nothing), pessimistic, sarcastic and blaming - rarely taking responsibility for whatever has transpired.
Often tremendous insecurity is being shrouded by this behavior.
More wisdom from Eric Hoffer, though I’d rarely use the word enemy regarding interpersonal communication:
Real Power: Ain’t Nothing Like the Real Thing
Those who practice REAL POWER tend to be positive, patient, peaceful, clear, constructive, supportive, self-confident, strategic, tactical, solution-focused, open-minded, and, when employing REAL POWER, communicators tend to focus on issues and do not rely on personal attacks.
Instead of telling an employee who has arrived late to work numerous times, You’re a lazy slacker (that’s pretty extreme personalizing - just for this example), a genuinely powerful boss might say when you come in late one of your co-workers must cover for you (that’s focusing on the issue). I’m sure you don’t want that to happen. What can you do now to ensure you punch in early for the next few weeks? (getting a clear commitment).
Conveying Real Power
You’ll hear more about power in future issues and, if TCL subscriber numbers grow, I’d love to provide Zoom communication skill-building and/or q & a sessions. For now, I’ll share a few more thoughts and tips.
Powerful people rarely reveal when they’re rushed. Their movements are deliberate and often at a slow pace. I encourage speakers when under pressure or feeling anxious to move as though they’re moving underwater. This is calming, peaceful (including for those who witness you in that moment) and it slows any jittery, fast movements that can appear nervous. Modulate your voice and slow your speaking rate. Make soft eye contact and only stand above the individual you’re speaking to if you genuinely need to raise your power level with this person.
I’ll share more on power levels and unveil some positive power lines in future issues. Begin to observe power in The Communication Lab all around you. Take special notice when power is used effectively, as it’s quite easy to see when it’s not.
Power is one of the most misunderstood and misused tools in communication yet it can become your most effective tool. Using power well will build your communication confidence.
This really resonates with me. Love the imagery and metaphors. I think it’s relevant for everyone.